The Best Funny Wife Jokes

My wife and I have decided we don’t want children. If anybody does please send me your email address and we can drop them off tomorrow.

My wife asked me for an iPad the other day for her birthday. I had no idea she enjoys dressing as a pirate. Hope she likes it.

My wife left me for a weather man. She’ll be mist.

The following conversation took place between a couple while out shopping.

Woman: “Does this dress make me look fat?”
Man: “No… But your face does.”

I’m beggining to have doubts about my wife. She got sacked last week for drinking on the job…. she works in a sperm bank.