The following conversation took place while a prisoner was awaiting execution by electric chair.
Priest: Do you have any last requests?
Prisoner: Yes I do, can I hold your hand?
Just found out that if you squint your eyes really hard you can actually make your nose bleed. I did it earlier today on the train and a Chinese person came up to me and punched me in the face.
The following conversation took place between a couple at the cinema.
Girlfriend: I think the guy next to me is jerking off.
Boyfriend: Just ignore him.
Girlfriend: I can’t.
Girlfriend: He’s using my hand.
Diet Day 1: Just removed all the fattening food from my house, it was delicious.
The following conversation took place between a 7 year old and his dad.
Boy: You know that thing between your legs?
Boy: Why do girls eat it?
Dad: How do you know about that?
Boy: I saw mommy eating uncle Jeff’s
Q. What did the Muslim man say to his wife on their wedding day?
A. “I’m so happy… that you managed to get the day off school today”.