Last night a thief broke into my house and started looking for money so i woke up and joined him.
My dwarf friend committed suicide recently… He jumped off a curb.
Is “buttcheeks” one word?
Or should I spread them apart?
A recent scientific study showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number.
Went to the doctors yesterday and told him that every time I drink coffee I get a stabbing pain in my right eye.
He advised me to take the spoon out of the cup.
My wife asked me, “What did you buy me for valentines day?”
“Well,” I chuckled. “You see that pink Mercedes over there?”
“Yes,” she said happily.
“Well I bought you a toothbrush the same colour.”