Best Short Jokes This Year

Collection of the best funny short jokes from this year sorted by user rating.

Doctor

in General Jokes
+206 -48

Went to see the doctor last week, he gave me 4 months to live, so I shot him. Today the judge gave me 20 years, problem solved.

Electric Chair

in General Jokes
+127 -34

The following conversation took place while a prisoner was awaiting execution by electric chair.

Priest: Do you have any last requests?
Prisoner: Yes I do, can I hold your hand?

Lip Balm

in Relationship Jokes
+117 -37

Earlier today my wife asked me to pass her some lip balm but I ended up giving her superglue by mistake. She’s still not talking to me.

Squint

in Racist Jokes
+108 -39

Just found out that if you squint your eyes really hard you can actually make your nose bleed. I did it earlier today on the train and a Chinese person came up to me and punched me in the face.

Diet

in General Jokes
+82 -16

Diet Day 1: Just removed all the fattening food from my house, it was delicious.

Facebook Message

in Dirty Jokes, Relationship Jokes
+127 -64

My girlfriend just sent me a Facebook message saying:

“helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalternative”

Does anybody know what ‘ternative’ means?