Just found out that if you squint your eyes really hard you can actually make your nose bleed. I did it earlier today on the train and a Chinese person came up to me and punched me in the face.
The following conversation took place between a 7 year old and his dad.
Boy: You know that thing between your legs?
Boy: Why do girls eat it?
Dad: How do you know about that?
Boy: I saw mommy eating uncle Jeff’s
Diet Day 1: Just removed all the fattening food from my house, it was delicious.
Interviewer: Your resume says you’re very quick at maths.
Me: Yes I am!
Interviewer: Whats 12 x 37?
Interviewer: That’s not even close!
Me: Yeah, but it was fast.
Q. What do you call a Chinese person with a video camera?
A. Phil Ming
Just named my dog ‘Tenmiles’ so now I can say I walk ten miles every day.