Last night a thief broke into my house and started looking for money so i woke up and joined him.
Is “buttcheeks” one word? Or should I spread them apart?
A recent scientific study showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number.
My wife asked me, “What did you buy me for valentines day?” “Well,” I chuckled. “You see that pink Mercedes over there?” “Yes,” she said happily. “Well I bought you a toothbrush the same colour.”
They told me to wear a mask and gloves when going to the store.
They lied… Everyone else had clothes on.
Stepped on my weighing scale this morning and it said:
“Please use social distancing, one person at a time”.