Q. What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
A. Your spine.
Girlfriend just told me she doesn’t care what she gets for Christmas as long as it has diamonds in it.
A pack of playing cards it is then.
The following conversation took place in a bar between me and a Chinese man.
Me: Do you know martial arts like Kung fu, ju-jitsu or karate?
Chinese man: Why the fuk you ask me dat? Is it coz I Chinese?
Me: No… It’s because you’re drinking my f*cking beer!!
Question: What do you call a Muslim man, with a backpack, on a bus?
Answer: A normal everyday passenger, you racist.
I went to the doctors earlier today with hearing problems.
He said “Can u describe the symptoms?”
I said “Homers a fat guy and Marge has blue hair”
I wonder if the receptionist at the sperm bank ever uses the phrase “Thanks for coming!”?