The Best Funny Virus jokes

Weighing Scale

in General Jokes
+76 -35

Stepped on my weighing scale this morning and it said:

“Please use social distancing, one person at a time”.

Survived

in Political Jokes
+41 -23

Shit I’ve survived:

Mad Cow Disease ✓
HIV Aids ✓
Sars ✓
Bird Flu ✓
Swine Flu ✓
Ebola ✓
Coronavirus (pending)

Weight

in Relationship Jokes
+28 -14

Just had the following conversation with my wife.

Wife: Can’t believe how much weight I’ve gained since lockdown.
Me: You haven’t gained that much weight. Come on… chin up. No, the other one.

3 Step Covid Test

in Political Jokes
+17 -6

1. Pour a glass of wine
2. If you can smell it you don’t have Covid
3. If you can taste it you don’t have Covid

Repeat 15 times just be to sure.

Break Up Ideas

in Relationship Jokes
+31 -23

If you break up with your girlfriend and she wants to move out make sure you order her a taxi for 8pm on Thursday. That way with everyone clapping it’ll look like the whole street is glad to see the back of her.