I’m tired of people complaining about $7 beers, $10 parking and $20 cover charge. Don’t like the prices, stop coming to my house!
My girlfriend wanted me to surprise her for her birthday so I phoned her from Morocco.
Scientists have discovered that giving people 5 Covid vaccines at the same time is 100% effective at stopping Covid. The only downside is you have a 99.99% chance of dying straight after.
Me: Alexa, remind me to go to the gym.
Alexa: I have added gin to your shopping list.
Me: Close enough.