My wife wanted something that goes from 0 to 100 in a few seconds for valentines day so I got her a weighing scale .
My friend rang me and asked, “What’re you doing at the moment?”
I said, “Probably failing my driving test.”
I had a threesome last night.
Two people didn’t show up though, so I had to take matters into my own hands.
Marriage: Betting someone half your shit that you’ll love them forever.
Just ordered a licence number plate BAA BAA.
Should look cool on my black jeep.
My wife just called me.
She said, “Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day, they are absolutely gorgeous.”
I said, “That’s probably why they’ve received flowers then.”