There are four stages in life:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
When 3 people have sex, it’s a threesome. When 2 people have sex, it’s a twosome.
Now I understand why they call me handsome.
Just had the following argument with the wife while out shopping:
Wife: Does this dress make me look fat?
Me: Do you promise not to get mad whatever I say?
Wife: Yes, sure.
Me: I f*cked your sister.
If money is the root of all evil why do they always ask for it in church?
How many Africans does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
Six: one to screw it in and five to dance for no reason.
Yo mama is so fat she has to shower at a car-wash.