The following conversation took place between a husband and wife.
Wife: How many women have u slept with?
Husband: Only you darling, I was awake with the other women.
The following conversation took place in a bar between me and a Chinese man.
Me: Do you know martial arts like Kung fu, ju-jitsu or karate?
Chinese man: Why the fuk you ask me dat? Is it coz I Chinese?
Me: No… It’s because you’re drinking my f*cking beer!!
The following conversation took place between a dad and his young child.
Child: Dad where did I come from?
Dad: You came from a stork.
Child: Wow, you f*cked a stork?
Do you work for Fedex because I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package?
Just seen at idiot in my local gym putting a bottle of water into the Pringles holder on the treadmill.
Q. Why does the Pope prefer to use an Android mobile phone?
A. Because God punished Adam and Eve for using Apple.