Got an email from a bored housewife the other day looking for ‘some action’ so I decided to send her some of my ironing to keep her busy.
My lesbian next door neighbors just gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
I really like it but I think they misunderstood when I said “I wanna watch”.
I heard if you drink every day that means your an alcoholic so I now only drink at night.
Saw 2 fat people talking earlier today. It was a HEAVY discussion!
My new business on Ebay is a great success. Just sold my homing pigeons for the 17th time in a row!
The following text messages were exchanged between a boyfriend and girlfriend.
GF: I just typed “nose” with my nose!