Today I did that thing where you walk into a room and totally forgot what you went in for. It was only when the shit started running down my leg that I remembered
The following conversation took place between a mother and her son after school.
Mum: Your headmaster told me you used the C word in class today. That wasn’t clever was it?
Son: No, it was cunt!
My son saw me in the shower the other day and said “what’s that hairy thing in between your legs?”. I replied “That’s the back of your sister’s head”.
Jesus is the best. I bet if Aquaman and Jesus had a fight, Jesus would walk all over him.
Did you hear about the new mummy they’ve discovered in Egypt? It was covered in nuts and chocolate.
They think his name was Pharaoh Rocher.
Q. What’s long, black and dangerous?
A. The queue at KFC.