Q. How do you make a pool table laugh?
A. Reach into its pockets and tickle its balls.
The following conversation took place in a hospital.
Doctor: I’m sorry you’ve got AIDs.
Patient: Can I have a 2nd opinion?
Doctor: Yeah sure, you’re ugly as well.
Went on a date with a girl and I told her to text me when she got home. It’s been 3 weeks now and I still haven’t got a text, I think she must be homeless.
It looks like food banks are just as corrupt as normal banks. I deposited a pack of biscuits at my food bank last week and when I went to collect them today they told me they had gone.
A blind woman told me I had a big penis yesterday. I think she was pulling my leg.
Can’t believe it’s pancake day today.
It’s really crêped up on me.