Best Funny General Jokes

Just had the following conversation in court.

Judge: State your name.
Me: Not Guilty
Judge: What?
Me: I had it legally changed.
Judge: You’re Not Guilty?
Me: Thanks, I’m outta here.

Just changed my Facebook name to ‘No one’ so when I see stupid posts I can click like and it will say ‘No one likes this’.

My doctor told me today I need to watch my drinking. I now drink in front of a mirror.

Went to see the doctor last week, he gave me 4 months to live, so I shot him. Today the judge gave me 20 years, problem solved.

I decided to burn a lot of calories today… I set fire to a fat kid that lives on my street!!

I’ll never forget my granddad’s last words. “Are you holding that ladder properly?”