The Best Funny Wife Jokes

The following conversation took place between a husband and wife at the dinner table.

Wife: Can I have $20’000 to get some breast implants to make them bigger.
Husband: Why don’t you just rub toilet paper on your nipples.
Wife: Does that really work?
Husband: Well it seems to have worked on your ass.

The following text messages were exchanged on a cold winters day in December.

Wife: “Windows frozen.”
Husband: “Pour some warm water over them.”
Wife: “Computer completely screwed up now.”

I asked my wife to let me know next time she has an orgazm but she said that she doesn’t like to call me at work.

Earlier today my wife asked me to pass her some lip balm but I ended up giving her superglue by mistake. She’s still not talking to me.

The following conversation took place between a wife and husband after a lottery win.

Husband: If I won the lottery what would you do?
Wife: I’d divorce you and take half the money.
Husband: Ok, well I just won $10, here’s $5 now f*ck off!!