I’ve lost my home, I’ve lost control and I can’t see any escape. Definitely time to get a new keyboard.
My wife broke up with me recently because I’m a compulsive gambler. All I can think about is how to win her back.
A lion would never cheat on his wife but a Tiger Wood.
I remember in the old days when instead of selfie sticks people used to have things called friends.
Q. What’s the difference between a flying pig and a politician? A. The letter F.
Did you hear about that new device that can make your car 95% quieter? It fits straight over your wife’s mouth.