Grab your taco, you’ve pulled a dyslexic Mexican.
Me and my wife had a candlelit dinner for the first time last night. It was terrible, everything was really under-cooked and tasted of wax.
Apparently men think about sex every seven seconds. Luckily I wrote this in sex.
Just hit a dog with my car on the way home from work. It’s OK though, I stopped the car, picked up the dog and put a suicide note under its paw.
Yesterday I had to change a lightbulb. Today I had a drink in a bar with a Jew and an Irish man.
Looks like my life has become one big joke.
Why are some diseases more acceptable than others? When you have cancer you get compassion and sympathy but when you’re an alcoholic you get shouted at and told thrown out of the ladies toilets at McDonalds.