Q. How do farmers party? A. They turnip the beats.
I’m tired of people complaining about $7 beers, $10 parking and $20 cover charge. Don’t like the prices, stop coming to my house!
Q. What do you call an Arabic thief who steals garden tools?
A. Amin Yashed
My penis used to be in the Guinness Book of World Records but now I’m permanently banned from the library.
Q. Why do gay people love Scotland? A. Because the men wear skirts and the country’s full of tight arses.
My wife just called me.
She said, “Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day, they are absolutely gorgeous.”
I said, “That’s probably why they’ve received flowers then.”