The Best Funny Wife Jokes

Apr

Weight

By SteveB

+41 -15

Just had the following conversation with my wife.

Wife: Can’t believe how much weight I’ve gained since lockdown.
Me: You haven’t gained that much weight. Come on… chin up. No, the other one.

Jul

Wife Affair

By Lee

in Relationship Jokes

Tags: Wife Jokes

+53 -28

Found out recently that my wife had an affair with a midget.

I can’t believe she would stoop so low.

Mar

Polish man

By Tonya

in Racist Jokes

Tags: Wife Jokes

+177 -153

The following conversion took place in a Polish church.

Polish Man: I want to divorce my wife.
Priest: Why my son?
Polish Man: I think she is trying to kill me.
Priest: What makes you say this?
Polish Man: I found polish remover in the medicine cabinet.

Aug

Get Better Soon

By Casey

in Relationship Jokes

Tags: Wife Jokes

+33 -9

I got my wife a get better soon card. She’s not ill or anything but she could definitely get better.

Jun

Look Nice

By Dave

in Relationship Jokes

Tags: Wife Jokes

+32 -9

The other day my wife asked me to buy her something to make her look nice so I went to the liquor store.

Nov

Vacuum Cleaners

By Dave

in Relationship Jokes

Tags: Wife Jokes

+35 -12

Q. What do wives and vacuum cleaners have in common?

A. They both start whining and stop sucking when they need to be replaced.