The Best Funny Wife Jokes

My wife said I was rude for yawning when she was shouting at me.

I told her I wasn’t yawning, I was just trying to speak.

The following conversation took place between a husband and wife.

Wife: Give it to me i’m so f*ckin wet!
Husband: I don’t care how much you shout, I’m not giving you the umbrella.

My wife just called me.

She said, “Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day, they are absolutely gorgeous.”

I said, “That’s probably why they’ve received flowers then.”

My wife came home from work crying yesterday and asked me to console her.

So I hit her over the head with my Xbox.

Just got a bike for my wife…it was a good trade.

My wife says for Christmas she wants something that goes from 0-100 in a few of seconds so I got her a weighing scale.