The Best Funny Wife Jokes

The following conversation took place between a couple while out shopping.

Woman: “Does this dress make me look fat?”
Man: “No… But your face does.”

My wife took a pregnancy test today and my worst fear was confirmed… she’s just a fat pig.

I’m not saying my wife’s cooking is bad…..

But several weapons manufacturers from the Middle-East have been trying to buy her recipes.

Today is my 5th Wedding Anniversary and it’s been a total nightmare. On the plus side I’m now no longer scared of terrorism.

Q. What does a grenade and a wife have in common?
A. They both take your house and leave you hurt when you remove the ring.

My wife is so selfish that the only blowe jobs I get is when my soup is too hot.