Q: How do you pick up a Jewish girl? A: With a dustpan
When God created the world he made everyone different but he became tired when he got to the Chinese.
I’ve just invented a great new iPhone alarm app. If you press the snooze button 3 times it automatically emails your boss telling them that your gonna be sick.
Just been threatened by my housemate for stealing his clothes. I nearly sh*t his pants.
When I was a kid I could go to the shop with £1 and get crisps, chewing gums, ice-cream, and a fizzy drink. Nowadays they have CCTV everywhere.
Why do anorexics love KFC? Because it comes with a bucket.