I’ll get your coat, you’ve pulled a gentleman.
Are you gasoline prices? Because I love it when you go down.
Q. Why did the parrot die of starvation? A. Because it couldn’t say I’m hungry.
Man: Is this seat taken? Woman: Yeah, my boyfriend is sitting there. Man: Really? Well he must be really small then.
I got injured playing table tennis yesterday. It’s great having the extra surface area but the added weight can really hurt your back.
Just be arrested for indecency at my local homeless shelter after trying to help them cook Christmas dinner. Apparently they told me to PLUCK the turkey.