Just got a Sat Nav for bachelors. After every turn you get a new woman.
Q. How do you make a cat flap?
A. Throw it off a cliff.
There’s two things I hate about my son’s new partner:
I’ve always stood up for black people. It’s not worth getting stabbed over a seat.
You know you’ve had a bad Valentine’s Day when the lamppost by the pub gets more cards and flowers than you.
I came into a lot of money last week which is unusual for me… I normally uses tissues.