Man: Is your dad black?
Girl: No. Why do you ask?
Man: Because you’ve stolen my heart.
Whats the difference between a cow and 9/11?
Americans can’t milk a cow for 16 years.
How do you know when your date is going badly?
You accidentally spike your own drink with rohypnol.
The following conversation took place between a husband and wife.
Husband: It’s a bit muggy tonight my love.
Wife: If you’ve put all our mugs in the garden again I’m gonna divorce you.
Husband: *Drinks a sip of tea from plant pot.*
It’s me your local Jehovah’s Witness coming to tell you about Christ.
Hi, I haven’t jacked off in over 5 years. I just don’t need to because I’m always surrounded by hot women. Tonight is your lucky night, you have been selected!