I had a dream this morning that I was floating on a giant mushroom but when I woke up I was shocked to discover that I’d actually crashed into a nursery.
My wife recently starting taking cooking lessons and last night she surprised me by making spaghetti puttanesca with freshly baked garlic bread. After we finished the meal she said “Now be brutally honest, what did you think?”. I said “That meal was incredible, you fat c*nt”.
I recent scientific study has found that a newborn baby can hear and see everything around it for about 10 seconds after being decapitated.
My doctor told me last week that I don’t eat enough vegetables so I’ve now started dating a girl who has down syndrome.
A kind-hearted German, a brave Frenchman, a thin American, a Chinese man with distinct facial features and an African man with a small c*ck walk into a bar and a Jew says, “Drinks are on me”.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “Why the long face?”. The horse turns to him and says, “My wife is dying of terminal cancer.”