My wife died a few months ago. Ever since I’ve been a total mess… no sleep, weight loss, bloodshot eyes, unlaundered clothes… The other day my best friend told me “Steve, you’ve got to stop partying!”
I got in touch with my inner self today.
That’s the last time I buy Tesco Value toilet roll.
Yo mamas so fat when she went waterskiing someone tried to shoot her with a harpoon.
Got thrown out the cinema today for bringing my own food. I couldn’t resist.. the prices are way too high and also I haven’t had a barbecue in months.
My wife gets really annoyed when I use the word ‘cunt’. I suppose she’s got a point, I really should make the effort to learn her mother’s real name.
Convert your sofa into a sofa-bed by simply forgetting your wife’s birthday.