The Best Funny Wife Jokes

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years, didn’t want to interrupt her.

Putting a pin through all of my best friends condoms seemed like a funny idea at the time.
Backfired though after I found out my wife is now pregnant.

The wife and I were sitting on the couch watching the TV and it was boring so I thought I’d start a conversation.

Me: How many men have you had in total?
Wife: Are sure you want to know?
Me: Yeh, go on.
Wife: 7.
Me (after a pause): so I was number 7.
Wife: no, you were number 2.

The police came over to my house last night after me and my wife had an argument. I said “Officer there’s no reason for you to be here tonight, I’ve already tasered her.”

I’m furious. Just found my wife’s profile on an on-line dating website.
That lying bitch isn’t, “Fun to be around.”

I don’t drink too much, I just like having an attractive wife.