The Best Funny Wife Jokes

Just spent the last hour tightening every bottle top and jar in my house. That will teach my wife for saying she doesn’t need me anymore.

My favourite text message to send to the wife when I’m out drinking at the bar.

“I’ll be home in 5 minutes… If not… read this again!!”

My wife used to be afraid of the dark until she saw me nayked, now she’s afraid of the light.

Four secrets of a happy marriage.

1. Find a woman who can cook and clean.
2. Find a woman who is an animal in bed.
3. Find a woman with lots of money.
4. Make sure none of these 3 women ever meet each-other.