The Best Funny Wife Jokes

I’ve spent the last 3 years looking for my ex-wife’s killer… Still can’t find anyone to do it.

My wife apologized for the first time ever today!

She said she’s sorry she ever married me.

Just had a really big argument with my wife about going on holiday. I wanted to go to Paris, she wanted to come with me.

Whenever it rains, my wife just stands at the window looking kind of sad.
Maybe I should let her in.

The following conversation took place between a husband and wife.

Husband: Honey, can you smell that?
Wife: No.
Husband: Exactly I can’t either so get in the kitchen and start cooking.

My wife asked me, “What did you buy me for valentines day?”
“Well,” I chuckled. “You see that pink Mercedes over there?”
“Yes,” she said happily.
“Well I bought you a toothbrush the same colour.”