The Best Funny Wife Jokes

My wife asked me, “What did you buy me for valentines day?”
“Well,” I chuckled. “You see that pink Mercedes over there?”
“Yes,” she said happily.
“Well I bought you a toothbrush the same colour.”

My wife was complaining the other day saying that I never take her anywhere expensive anymore. So I said “come on, get in the car we’re going to the petrol station”.

The following conversation took place between a husband and wife whilst in the bedroom.

Wife: What do you like best my face or my sexy body?
Husband: Your sense of humor.

My wife broke up with me recently because I’m a compulsive gambler. All I can think about is how to win her back.

Did you hear about that new device that can make your car 95% quieter? It fits straight over your wife’s mouth.