The Best Funny Wife Jokes

I saved my mistress’ phone number as ‘LOW BATTERY’. Whenever she calls and I’m not around, the missus takes the phone and plugs it to the charger unknowingly.

I vowed to my wife that I would never hit her again, that I would find a job and raise my kids properly.The tears streamed down her face, this moment of joy would stick in my mind forever.
The moment when I said “April fools!” and dropped that gullible bitch to the ground.

Gets her every year!

Last night my wife asked me to treat her like a princess so I bought her a Mercedes and drove her into a wall.

Slept on the sofa last night. Apparently when my wife asked me to bring her something from the store for pancakes she wasn’t talking about a bra.

My wife recently told me she wanted to go around the world so for her birthday I decided to buy her an atlas.