The Best Funny Wife Jokes

After 3 years of marriage, me and the wife had our first real fight last night.
I called my dad for advice on how to fix things.
He told me to apologize and admit I was wrong.
I was really looking for advice on how to dispose of the body.

After getting married I’ve now become bi-sexual. I have sex twice a year.

The following conversation took place at the vets.

Man: Do you sell horse tranquilizers?
Vet: Why do you ask?
Man: My wife keeps waking up.

Today my wife told me that I need to be more spontaneous so I punched her in the throat.

Last year my wife was furious that I missed her birthday, and insisted that in future I should plan at least two months in advance. Well it’s her birthday in 8 weeks time, and I’m pleased to say I’ve already bought her her present. She’s going to love these flowers.