The Best Funny Wife Jokes

Q. How do you know if your wife is on drugs?

A. She suddenly becomes a pleasant person.

3 reasons why my wife is like a freezer.

1. She never stops making a noise.
2. She can hold a lot of food inside her.
3. It can take hours of “defrosting” to make her wet.

My wife created a website earlier today to give advice to people who are victims of domestic abuse. She’s had 50 hits today already.

Just got a really big response to my advert on the internet saying ‘Wife wanted’. In about 2hrs I had over 300 emails saying ‘you can have mine’.

My wife is really beginning to annoy me. I took her out for a meal yesterday and she ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, double whopper with cheese!

Q. How do you know when your wife has died?
A. The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.