The Best Funny Wife Jokes

The only time I hear my wife say “I’m coming” is when I’m holding the elevator door.

Convert your sofa into a sofa-bed by simply forgetting your wife’s birthday.

This morning my wife asked me where i want to be buried.

Apparently “balls deep in your sister” wasn’t the right answer.

My wife: Where’s the broom?

Me: Why, where are you going?

The following conversation took place between a husband and wife?

Wife: Have you been kissing ass at work again?
Husband: Why do you ask?
Wife: Because your breath smells like shit.

Just had the following conversation with my wife

Wife: “Give it to me! I’m so f*cking wet! Give it to me now!”
Me: You can scream all you want, you’re not having the umbrella.