The Best Funny Wife Jokes

Wife’s really angry tonight complaining I never buy her flowers!

Didn’t even realise she sold flowers.

The following conversation took place between a husband and wife?

Wife: Have you been kissing ass at work again?
Husband: Why do you ask?
Wife: Because your breath smells like shit.

Just had the following conversation with my wife

Wife: “Give it to me! I’m so f*cking wet! Give it to me now!”
Me: You can scream all you want, you’re not having the umbrella.

My wife gave me a new nickname the other day, 007:

0 Romance
0 Hygiene
7 Meals per day

Q. What do you say to your wife during sex?
A. Nothing.. I don’t phone the wife when I’m having sex.

My wife died and I couldn’t look at another women for over 10 years.

Now I’m out of jail I think it was probably a price worth paying.