The Best Funny Wife Jokes

Q. How do you know when your wife has died?
A. The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.

I texted my wife a picture of my flaccid peenis today. I wanted to let her know I was thinking about her.

Why wife loves to role-play in bed. She usually pretends to be a coma patient.

Q. How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb.
A. None because they never get the house.

Wife’s really angry tonight complaining I never buy her flowers!

Didn’t even realise she sold flowers.

The following conversation took place between a husband and wife while in bed.

Husband: “Honey I think your mum tried to have sex with me last night! ”
Wife: “That’s impossible, she’s on holiday!”
Husband: “Oh ok, well maybe you should wear more makeup then!”