Best Funny Relationship Jokes

My girlfriend left me because I’m too insecure.
No wait, she’s back.
She just went to make a cup of coffee.

I found the off-switch on women. It’s in the back of their heads.

You have to use a bat to activate it.

I’ve never had any luck with women. When I was a child my mum never breastfed me, she always had a headache.

They say opposites attract, try telling that to my short ugly girlfriend.

If opposites attract, then does that mean I need to become a fat looser who smells bad to attract a nice woman?

My anorexic girlfriend told me she’s really depressed at the moment. I told her she should lighten up.