The following conversation took place between a husband and wife.
Husband: It’s a bit muggy tonight my love.
Wife: If you’ve put all our mugs in the garden again I’m gonna divorce you.
Husband: *Drinks a sip of tea from plant pot.*
My wife shouted at me today for forgetting to take the lamb out the freezer. Sadly it couldn’t withstand the freezing temperatures and died after a couple of hours.
My wife recently starting taking cooking lessons and last night she surprised me by making spaghetti puttanesca with freshly baked garlic bread. After we finished the meal she said “Now be brutally honest, what did you think?”. I said “That meal was incredible, you fat c*nt”.