Worst advice I ever got as a kid was “Eat all your food so you grow big and strong”.
After years of over-eating I’m now a fat cunt.
The following conversation took place after being called by an accident compensation helpline.
Operator: Good afternoon sir, we’re calling about your recent accident.
Me: How did you know about that? At first I though it was just a fart but then I ended up shitting myself.
Operator: *Hangs up the phone*