A blind man walks into a bar… then a table… then finally a chair.
Got stopped by a women in the street today. She said “Excuse me sir, have you had an accident in the last 3 years that wasn’t your fault? I said, “Yes, she’s nearly 3 now.”
Just bought a chinchilla. That should hopefully keep my chin nice and cool in all this heat.
My Doctor has advised me to start running. I’m not ill or anything, I’ve just been sleeping with his wife.
A traffic warden tried to give me a ticket today for parking in a disabled space.
I said “Why don’t you go f*ck yourself you c*nt, I’ve got Tourettes”.
Yo mama is so ugly she can’t even attract mosquitos!