Last night my girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed…
2 minutes later she told me all the charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.
The other day my Nan found a lump in each of her breasts. Turns out it was just her knees.
Iraqi Awards Night:
And the 2016 winner for suicide bomber of the year goes to… Abdul Sahib. Unfortunately he couldn’t be here with us tonight.
My wife suggested we should try some role reversal in bed so I told her I have a headache.
My wife told me earlier today the spark between us had gone. So I tasered her.
I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.
Money can’t buy happiness but I think I’d be a lot more comfortable crying inside a Ferrari than on a bike.