I’ve decided that from now on I’m just gonna drink at home instead of drinking at bars. It’s cheaper, there are no time limits and I’m allowed to be naked.
Slept on the sofa last night. Apparently when my wife asked me to bring her something from the store for pancakes she wasn’t talking about a bra.
Are you Russian?? Because you’re Rushing my heart-rate.
Hi my name is Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?
Q: What do you call a shark who attacks someone on Christmas day? A: Santa jaws!
Just wanted to know…. Do you prefer white or brown bread for your toast in the morning?