Q. Why did the shark keep swimming in circles? A. It had a nosebleed.
I used to have a job working in an electric kettle factory. I was in my element.
Think I might be allergic to onions. Every time I peel them my eyes start watering.
Never judge a book by it’s cover. I ordered a book online last week from Holland called ‘Creamy Jugs’ only to find it’s a book about 18th century cattle farming equipment.
BBC are planning on releasing a re-run of Jimmy Saville’s successful show, with a new title of “Jim’ll Fist It”.
I hate the excuses women come up with for not having sex like:
“I’ve got a headache” or “I’m on my period” or “I don’t know who you are, someone call the police!”