Im a great believer in gun control. That’s why I always smoke a couple of cigarettes before I go out shooting because it helps keeps my hands steady.
My fat ex-girlfriend recently got a t-shirt saying, ‘I’m a maneater’… I told her that’s not how you spell manatee!
Hi I need your help. I’m really allergic to your clothes, please can you take them off.
BBC are planning on releasing a re-run of Jimmy Saville’s successful show, with a new title of “Jim’ll Fist It”.
Never judge a book by it’s cover. I ordered a book online last week from Holland called ‘Creamy Jugs’ only to find it’s a book about 18th century cattle farming equipment.
I hate the excuses women come up with for not having sex like:
“I’ve got a headache” or “I’m on my period” or “I don’t know who you are, someone call the police!”