My dwarf friend committed suicide recently… He jumped off a curb.
Fun idea. If you have no kids hire a babysitter anyway and tell them the kids are asleep upstairs and not to be disturbed. When you come home ask them why the kids are missing.
Yo mama is so fat she got arrested at the airport for carrying 15 pounds of crack.
Why is Friday the most feminine day of the week?
Because it takes forever to come.
My girlfriend had her teeth whitened the other day. Well actually most of it went on her chin.
Yo mama is so stupid when her phone died she buried it in the backyard.