My dwarf friend committed suicide recently… He jumped off a curb.
Yo mama is so fat she got arrested at the airport for carrying 15 pounds of crack.
Why is Friday the most feminine day of the week?
Because it takes forever to come.
Yo mama is so stupid when her phone died she buried it in the backyard.
Just watched my wedding video backwards. I love the part where she takes off the ring, walks back down the isle and drives away
Fun idea. If you have no kids hire a babysitter anyway and tell them the kids are asleep upstairs and not to be disturbed. When you come home ask them why the kids are missing.