What do you call a guy who can swim without using his arms and legs?
Clever dick.
The weather forecast for tonight…. Dark!
If women ruled the world there would be no wars.
Wars require strategy and logic.
Ran out of toilet paper and started using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen.
The five stages of life:
1. Birth. 2. Pissing and shiting yourself. 3. Having to pay for everything. 4. Pissing and shiting yourself. 5. Death.
Last night my wife came up to me wearing sexy lingerie and told me I can do anything I want so I decided to tie her up and go to the bar for a few drinks.