The Best Funny Wife Jokes

Wife Afraid

in Relationship Jokes
+67 -25

My wife used to be afraid of the dark until she saw me nayked, now she’s afraid of the light.

Birthday

in Relationship Jokes
+77 -36

Yesterday I asked my wife what she wanted for her upcoming birthday and she told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds. I hope she likes the pack of playing cards I got her.

Alcohol Tester

in Surreal Jokes
+62 -22

I recently got an alcohol tester fitted to my wallet to make sure I don’t drink too much when I’m driving. It’s a picture of my wife, when she starts looking good I know I’ve had too much.

Back Door

in Dirty Jokes
+64 -26

The following conversation took place between a husband and wife while in bed.

Husband: “Can I try going through your back door tonight?”
Wife: “F*ck that sh*t!”
Husband: “Thats the spirit!”

Drinking

in Relationship Jokes
+66 -28

My favourite text message to send to the wife when I’m out drinking at the bar.

“I’ll be home in 5 minutes… If not… read this again!!”

Four Secrets

in Relationship Jokes
+56 -21

Four secrets of a happy marriage.

1. Find a woman who can cook and clean.
2. Find a woman who is an animal in bed.
3. Find a woman with lots of money.
4. Make sure none of these 3 women ever meet each-other.