The Best Funny Wife Jokes

I’ve spent the last 3 years looking for my ex-wife’s killer… Still can’t find anyone to do it.

My wife apologized for the first time ever today!

She said she’s sorry she ever married me.

Just had a really big argument with my wife about going on holiday. I wanted to go to Paris, she wanted to come with me.

Whenever it rains, my wife just stands at the window looking kind of sad.
Maybe I should let her in.

The following conversation took place between a husband and wife.

Husband: Honey, can you smell that?
Wife: No.
Husband: Exactly I can’t either so get in the kitchen and start cooking.

Wife: How many women have you slept with?
Me: Only you, I was too busy to sleep while shagging the other women!
Wife: Right, pack your bags I want you out!
Me: That’s fine.
Wife: I hope you have a slow and painful death!
Me: I’m confused, does that mean you want me to stay now?