The Best Funny Wife Jokes

Why did my wife cross the road? To get back to the first shoe shop we went in three f*cking hours ago.

Spoke to my son yesterday to teach him about the birds and the bees. He ended up teaching me about my wife and the milkman.

Last night my wife told me she doesn’t like giving bl*wjobs because her jaw starts to hurt. Seems to work fine when she talks for hours on end.

I’m currently having an affair but I’ve saved my mistress’ phone number as ‘LOW BATTERY’.

Whenever she calls and I’m not around my wife plugs my phone into the charger.

My wife´s suspicious mind is really begining to annoy me. Last night after looking at my calendar she wanted to know who May was.