The Best Funny Wife Jokes

My wife always complains. Last week she was complaining that I never take her anywhere so last night I booked her a table but she still wasn’t happy. Apparently she hates snooker.

Irony is when you get a text message from the wife saying “your an idiot”.

Had a really stiff neck when I woke up this morning. My wife said she hopes it spreads.

Why did my wife cross the road? To get back to the first shoe shop we went in three f*cking hours ago.

Spoke to my son yesterday to teach him about the birds and the bees. He ended up teaching me about my wife and the milkman.

Last night my wife told me she doesn’t like giving bl*wjobs because her jaw starts to hurt. Seems to work fine when she talks for hours on end.