Best Funny Surreal Jokes

Me: How do I know when the mushrooms are starting to work?
Friend: You’ll know, it hits you pretty hard!
Me: I don’t feel anything.
Toaster: Give it time!

Had a really fun night out last night, there’s nothing better than manslaughter. I also enjoy hearing women laugh as well.

I almost died today because of my stupid doctor. He told me I should get off the bus 1 stop early to get some exercise. I ended up walking 50 miles after catching the Megabus.

Facebook really needs a “You’re an idiot, I want to punch you in the throat!” button.

Just got a round the world plane ticket for only $1200. After just 40 hrs I was back at JFK airport.

An elephant, an ostrich and a crocodile walk into McDonalds and interrupt a half-naked man eating a burger. The crocodile pulls out a police badge and says, “We have reason to believe you are carrying substances of a hallucinogenic nature, Sir.”