Best Funny General Jokes

If you had the choice between being as rich as Bill Gates or having world peace, what color Lamborghini would you buy?

I’ve just invented a great new iPhone alarm app. If you press the snooze button 3 times it automatically emails your boss telling them that your gonna be sick.

Just been threatened by my housemate for stealing his clothes. I nearly sh*t his pants.

One of my nipples is a different colour from the other two. Is this normal?

You gotta hand it to short people….

Mainly because they can’t reach.

When I was a kid I could go to the shop with £1 and get crisps, chewing gums, ice-cream, and a fizzy drink. Nowadays they have CCTV everywhere.