Best Funny General Jokes

I remember in the old days when people used to get mad if you read their diary. Now people put everything online and get mad when you don’t read it.

I remember in the old days when instead of selfie sticks people used to have things called friends.

Went to the barbers today and asked to get my hair cut like Justin Bieber. He totally shaved my head bald. I said “What the hell have you done. Justin Bieber doesn’t have his hair cut like this!!”, the barber said “He would if he came into my shop.”

The following conversation took place at McDonalds between a stoned guy and a clerk.
Guy: “Can I have a McChicken sandwich, a pack of 20 cigarettes and a bottle of whiskey please.”
Clerk: “Sir this is McDonalds.”
Guy: “Ok sorry, I meant McCigarettes and McWhiskey.”

Went to the doctors yesterday and told him that every time I drink coffee I get a stabbing pain in my right eye.

He advised me to take the spoon out of the cup.

Life is like a box of chocolates. If you’re fat it doesn’t last very long.