Best Funny General Jokes

I’ve been sober now for 100 days. Not in a row just over the past 4 years.

Not trying to brag but i have enough money to not work for the rest of the year.

Just been attacked by a thug with a bat.

It’s amazing how good thugs are at training animals these days.

Q. What do you get when you mix 2 different types of bread together?
A. A hy-bread.

As I sat down next to a bloke on the bus he gave me a really strange look.
“That’s typical,” I thought. “The bus is empty and yet I still end up sitting next to a f*cking nutcase.”

The following conversation took place at a funeral parlor minutes before the funeral was about to start.

Widow: You’ve put him in a blue suit, I wanted brown!
Funeral Director: No problem madam. Ed!! Ed!! Quickly bring the hacksaw, we need to swap the heads around on these bodies.