Best Funny General Jokes

My girlfriend keeps telling me to treat her like a princess so today I got her some expensive jewelry and then I decided to have her father executed for treason.

If everything is made of atoms why does ice-cream taste really nice and dog shiite taste so bad? Explain that one Einstein.

Three steps to being more grown up at work:

1. Replace “F*ck you” with “Ok, great” .
2. Try to say “Please” more often instead of “Bitch please”.
3. Make sure you have plenty of alone time to reduce pent up anger.

Just been looking at Beyonce tickets and they’re $1300 each, wtf. For that price she better jump in the crowd and suck my d*ck.

Q: What is a good time to go to the dentist?
A: Thooth hurty

Just been on a date with a really attractive woman. Well it wasn’t really a date, we just had a meal together and watched a film. After a few hours the plane landed and we went our separate ways.