Best Funny General Jokes

During the first few weeks at my new job someone kept stealing my sandwiches from the work fridge. One day I decided to make them a cat food sandwich, the stealing has now stopped.

I found out last night that alcohol is no substitute for a woman. After 3 hours in intensive care the doctors finally managed to remove my c*ck from my bottle of Budweiser.

The following conversation took place in Vienna, Austria 200 years ago on this very day.

Mozart’s Friend: Wolfgang Mozart!!
Mozart: What?

They were then both eaten by a gang of wolves. RIP Mozart.

Just paid $1000 for an iPhone 7. Airplane mode better take me to Miami.

Just had a really big scare while walking home. Thought I saw a dead baby ghost in the middle of the road but turns out it was just a handkerchief.

Some day I’ll be skinny. Today is not that day.