Best Funny General Jokes

Just started a new job at a can recycling factory.

It’s soda pressing.

When I was a child my parents used to wrap me up in cotton wool… which is why I was taken away by social services.

Just failed my job interview after the following question:

Interviewer: How would you describe yourself?
Me: I normally do it verbally using words but on this occasion I’ve actually prepared a dance.

Just donated a large amount of money to a rape clinic. At first they refused but I just wouldn’t take no as an answer.

Some people say pot smokers are lazy. I disagree. I’m a multitasking pot smoker. Just the other day I was walking down the street, smoking, talking on my cellphone and getting hit by a car all at the same time.

The level of pollution in the world today is becoming intolerable.
Only the other day I opened a can of sardines and it was full of oil.