Best Funny Dirty Jokes

I’ve use work for a drug company making Viagra but ironically I’ve now become semi-retired.

Met a really cool 13 year old on-line the other day, she’s funny and really attractive. I suggested we meet up for a drink and then she told me she has a job as a private detective. Got to be the coolest 13 year old ever.

I saw a Thai girl on the train earlier today and I kept thinking to myself, don’t get an erection, don’t get an erection, don’t get an erection, but then she did.

Q. What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A. It’s gonna take me a minute to get hard I just came out of this chick.

Why is it ok for a smoker to take a 5 minute break at work to enjoy themselves but when I get caught in the toilets beating my meat I get fired?