Earlier today I swallowed two pieces of string and they came out tied together. I shit you knot.
Great legs what time do they open?
Just read an article about the top 100 things to do before you die. Was quite surprised that screaming “HELP ME!!” didn’t make the list.
Person 1: Yo mama is really fat. Person 2: Hey my mama has feelings you know. Person 1: Yeah she’s mostly feeling hungry.
Can’t believe how long my wife and kids spend on eBay. It’s been weeks and still nobody has made a bid for them.
Can’t believe how much doctors lie. Last year I went to hospital to get a vasectomy to stop my wife getting pregnant but it turns out all it does is change the color of the baby.